This blog has been neglected, and that’s okay. The great thing about these forms of writing is that one can pick up right where she left off.
Over the past few months, many things have transpired. V. and I are preparing for our wedding in the Catskill Mountains in October, a matter alluded to in my New Year’s post. I traveled back to the US in March, and to Slovenia with my aunt in April over both of our birthdays. I was accepted to a Yoga Teacher Training program at Kripalu with a very helpful stipend. I depart from Germany just in time to arrive for the course start in July and I will not return here until I am a married woman.
Life in Germany is comfortable. We have a nice group of friends who we see regularly, while frequently meeting new people. Our German speaking and comprehension improve slowly. Since February, I have facilitated a group of German women learning English, and I realize this is an activity I enjoy and hope to do more in the future. I graduated from my first German course and moved on, skipping a level and now fighting (in a motivating way) to catch up.
I continued writing beyond my last use of this medium, attempting to post articles on a professional development social work website and increasing my private writing output. For a while now though, I have felt lacking in my writing and without a real desire to record words. I tend to think of writers’ block as some lame copout; if one really sits, she should be able to get some words out (I’m doing it now, aren’t I?). However, I think my problems emerge more from a greater purpose and determining where I should put my focus in terms of the blueprint of my career and life. I also struggle with a lack of confidence and feel that I’m not an authority to be writing on many matters; for example, I’m not working in the SW field currently, so why do I think any contribution of mine would be valuable? (I know this is not true intellectually, but it is an emotional and raw thing). I’ve been battling some anxiety in the past few months, and restricting myself to a solitary desk to pump out redundant thoughts wasn’t striking me as particularly helpful either.
The sun has come out here in Germany and, like every recent spring, I feel like a plant reaching, achingly, towards it, and it is helping me to release these darker things that have gripped me. The change my being is undergoing is almost shocking, although I should know this about myself by now. (The leaves change with each season, after all.) I’ve resumed my weekly Aalbäumle hikes and have upped my physical activity in general as I prepare for my upcoming coursework. I am trying to accept and find a balance between being a person who thrives when working with and for others and an independent writing type, all while living in a place that, while generally comfortable, is still not easy to navigate.
I hope you are all doing well out there.